Why do we do difficult things?

Why do we do difficult things? 

Things through which we suffer, endure pain, and battle fears. 

There are plenty of people who do it. The London Marathon in 2018 had an estimated number of 40,000 runners at the start line. That’s just the people who managed to get in. Many people who couldn’t get a spot. It was also recorded as the hottest London Marathon to date at 24.1 Celsius. 

Master chef semifinalist and professional chef Matt Campbell aged 29, died after collapsing during the race. 

Why would so many people do such a gruelling ordeal? To run 26.2 miles. When there are people who have died and collapsed from doing such a challenge? 

Yet thousands of people line up every year to have a go. 

What drives these people? Why do they do it? What is their sense of purpose? What sense of meaning are they looking for? 

When they do it once, what would drive them to come back and do it again? 

Jiu-Jitsu  

I don’t do marathons but I do practice Jiu-Jitsu. The Jiu-Jitsu gradings at my club feel horrendous. The worst one I did was two 4 hour days. The first hour involves ten rounds of push-ups, sit-ups, squat thrusts and tuck jumps. As an adult, each round you do 30 to 40 reps of each exercise. After that hour you will have done 300-400 reps of each exercise. Well over 1,000 reps in total. You will demonstrate basic break falls, kicks and strikes. Basic throws. Self-defence escapes. Circle work. Weapons sparring and katas. 

Somewhere in there you finish one four hour day then go home sore and beat up. Go to bed. Sleep. Get up. Then do the same again. Another four hour day. There is mental torture to having a break then coming back. 

The weeks leading up to the grading are building strength, fitness and techniques. The days leading up to the grading are memorising the syllabus. The hours leading up to the grading are dread. For me, it feels like a death march on the morning of the grading. I normally struggle to sleep and struggle to eat. 

So why would I do it? 

Facing fears 

There is something to be said for facing fears. When you have something you wish to do but feel fear, you have a choice. You run away screaming or you stand your ground and face it head-on. 

When we walk away, we call it cowardice. 

When we face it, we call it courage. 

A definition of cowardice is ‘a lack of courage or firmness of purpose’. 

A definition of courage is ‘the ability to do something that frightens one’. 

To have courage, you must feel fear. If there is no fear, there is no courage. 

Typically fear is felt leading up to whatever the task is. Sometimes during. But not normally after. 

If you are running that marathon you will feel sick the night before and the morning of the race. Thinking of the mental and physical torture ahead. The hours of pounding the streets. Once you’re a mile into the race, that starts to dissipate. Once you finish, it’s disappeared altogether. 

I see it in public speaking. Guests turn up to meetings. We offer them the opportunity to do some impromptu speaking. The internal battle commences. You can see the fear in their faces. The dread leading up to the speech. Waiting for the call to step up. A lot calm down once they are up at the front. Once they sit down afterwards, normality resumes. 

I feel the same leading up to my Jiu-Jitsu gradings. Feeling sick with the dread of what is to come. Feeling the fear, then doing it anyway. 

Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu has a saying, ‘get comfortable with being uncomfortable’. 

Purpose 

Once you start doing the task, normally the fear subsides. You get into the flow, the groove, and get on with it. 

Further down the line though, things can get difficult. Things get tough. But you find the will to keep going. 

Then things get really tough. Then you start to question whether you can keep going. Whether you can go on. Then you start asking why I am here? Why am I putting myself through this? Why should I keep going? 

The answer to this question all comes from having a clear purpose. Clearly identifying the purpose behind the task. 

If you were running a marathon, perhaps it is a bucket list item. Something you wish to achieve in life. You know you have the potential to do it. You visualise the medals, the certificates, being treated as an equal to others who have done the same. 

For some, it might be self-actualisation. By self-actualisation, I mean people have a vision of the person that they want to be. And they take the actions to become that person. It might be a runner, a speaker, a writer. To be that person, they need to do the running, or the speaking of the writing. This is the path to fulfilling their dream. 

Others may be running for someone else. May be running to raise money for charity. Running in memory of someone they have lost. Running to help someone they care about. You can put to one side your own pain and suffering. You think only if those other people you are helping. 

Relief 

Then afterwards there is the relief when it is all over. The effort is spent. All the negative self-talk goes quiet. The adrenaline subsides. 

What is left after the marathon? 

There is a sense of achievement. Completing a goal. A difficult one. Completing something that required planning, training, preparation. Something you have never achieved before. You now have a new level of achievement. You now have a new capability. What are you now able to achieve following that last achievement? 

There is a feeling of pride. Doing something difficult. Building a new level of self-confidence, self-respect and self-worth. Being proud of yourself. Knowing you are walking the path to becoming that person you wish to be. Knowing what you have done is congruent with who you are. 

There is a feeling of fulfilment. Helping others get through the same torturous and difficult task. Or knowing what you have just done, will help someone else. Raising money to help a sick friend or a worthwhile cause. 

Takeaways 

Why do people set difficult challenges for themselves?  

Why do we do difficult things? 

Firstly, we do it to face fears. We face fears to build courage. We build courage so that we can face even bigger fears. Life is going throw you big scary challenges to face.that you have no choice but to face. But we can build the courage to face them by doing smaller challenges on our own terms. 

Secondly, we do it when we have a clear purpose. To achieve a goal. To self-actualise and become the person we wish to be. Or possibly to help others. 

Thirdly, we do it for the feeling afterwards. The sense of achievement, the glory, the certificate the reward. We do it for the feeling of pride. The increase in self-confidence, self-worth and self-respect. We do it for the fulfilment of helping others. Helping others get through the same task. Or helping. Others less fortunate and will benefit from the rewards. 

Footnotes 

About three weeks ago the first athlete was recorded to run a marathon in under two hours. Eliud Kipchoge, a 34 yr old Kenyan, ran the 26.2 miles in 1 hr 59 mins and 40 secs, in the Ineos 1:59 challenge in Vienna, Austria. 

Why would he do it? 

To be the first. 

To show himself what he is capable of. 

To show the world what is possible. 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/athletics/50025543