“What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight – it’s the size of the fight in the dog.”
Dwight D.Eisenhower
Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ) is a grappling Martial Art. It’s a relatively new martial art that has descended from Judo. Which in turn descended from Japanese Jiu-Jitsu.
The aim is to get your opponent to submit. They submit by tapping. They literally tap the other opponent to say I give up, you got me. The types of submissions could be a joint lock that is painful but you are also worried that the joint may break. You can apply so much pressure and so much pain on parts of the body that people submit. You can choke someone, they can’t breathe, so they tap before they pass out. You can strangle someone, cutting off the blood supply to their brain, so again they tap before they pass out.
Sometimes people try to fight out of it and don’t tap in time.
Oops.
I have been training once a week in Japanese Jiu-Jitsu for the past four years. My friend and Martial Arts mentor has also been coaching me in Martial Arts most lunchtimes for the past year. Including some BJJ. I don’t get the chance to ‘roll’ (grapple) with many other BJJ practitioners. But I got the chance recently.
Normally there is some sort of disadvantage. There is a big weight difference. A big difference in strength. A difference in rank (belt colour). A difference in age.
Funnily enough, there wasn’t in this bout. We are both about the same height and weight. Both the same rank (white belts). A similar strength. Maybe about 10 years different in age.
We rolled for about 2-3 minutes.
No one tapped. No one gave up. No one lost.
But my opponent was more dominant. If we were in a competition he would have scored more points. He would have won.
He got into more dominant positions and had three attempted submissions. I got into a dominant position a couple of times but didn’t maintain them. And I didn’t have any worthwhile submission attempts.
My friend and mentor then asked, “why is that?”
I reflected on the situation and I think it came down to mindset. The mindset the each of us had in that bout. It was clear we each had a different mindset.
He wanted to win.
I didn’t want to lose.
Isn’t that the same thing?
No.
Not wanting to lose
I had the mindset of not wanting to lose. I didn’t want to tap. So I played a very defensive game. I was risk-averse. I did want to make a mistake and put myself in a compromising situation. I wasn’t sure what he knew. I didn’t want to offer anything he could counter. I was reactive, purely reacting to whatever he did. I did think, if the opportunity came up to submit him, I would take it. But few people offer you a submission on a plate. You normally have to fight for it.
I chose to just survive.
You can do the same in life.
You can take a nice steady job, with a nice steady employer and earn a nice steady wage.
You can stay doing the same job because you are comfortable. You know the job inside out. You feel competent doing the job. You worry about moving to a job you might not be able to do as well. That you might fail. You worry that this is the only job you can do.
You stay with the same employer for job security. Especially a big organisation. One who has been around for a long time and will probably continue to do so. You are afraid to try a job with a different employer, in case that company might close.
You build a sustainable lifestyle around your level of income. You cut your cloth accordingly. You get used to what you can and cannot afford. You can afford food on the table and a roof over your head. But you can’t afford a luxurious house, cars or holidays. You become afraid of asking for a pay rise. You worry you aren’t worth the extra money. You are afraid of a promotion because of the extra responsibility.
You can have of all sorts of limiting beliefs. They are not a reflection of your actual value, or talent of potential. They do reflect a perspective, an attitude, a mindset that is based out of fear. Your fear of losing, of failing. Of failing in life.
Wanting to win
My opponent wanted to win. He was assertive. He knew what he wanted, and went after it. He wasn’t reactive, he was proactive. He got himself into dominant positions. He almost got three submissions. He didn’t wait for opportunities, he made opportunities. He might not have got a submission this time, but he could be satisfied with himself that at least he tried. And that he would use what he learned to do better next time.
He chose to thrive.
You can do the same in life.
You can take a nice steady job, with a nice steady employer and earn nice steady wage.
You can take that nice steady job and learn as much as you can from it. You won’t be able to do it properly at first but given time you can learn and you can grow. You will become competent at it. You could even become great at it. But there will come a point where any improvements are really small. Perhaps you should enjoy being great for a little while. But to grow, to get better, to win, you need to move on. You need a new challenge. You need a new role.
Your job is with a nice steady employer. They are large and have been around for some time. Because they are large, you will have many opportunities available to you. Working with other departments and teams. Working on a project. Taking a secondment to cover someone else’s role. There are many opportunities to take. But if they can’t offer you any opportunities you need to look elsewhere. Even another big organisation.
You earn that nice steady wage. The employer pays you that wage based on your current ability. Once you doing your job competently, you feel your wage is justified. Once you are great at your job, why not ask for a pay rise or where you can develop? If you are given more responsibility then ask for a promotion. If you see a job opportunity that is a step up on the ladder then apply. If you don’t get the job then ask for feedback.
If you believe in growth, in getting better, in taking opportunities then you are going to try to win. You are going to go in with a mindset of self-belief, self-worth and self-assurance. This is a place from where we can achieve.
Lose to Win
Curiously, the next time we rolled, I went in more assertive. With a mindset of winning. Of gaining a dominant position and submitting him.
He still had the same mindset of winning, nothing had changed for him.
You know what, we each got a submission. We each got a tap. Both from an armbar. We both won.
And we both lost. We both tapped. We both submitted. We both gave in and said you win.
We both failed and we both won.
Maybe that’s the lesson. To win, you must also fail. Most people are afraid of failing, so never win.
If you play to not lose, you’ll never get to experience winning. And winning is a habit.
Takeaways
Playing to not lose comes from a place of fear. You worry about failing. You have beliefs that limit what you can do. You will never experience a win. If you never try to win, if you never try to live your life, you fail in life by default.
If you play to win, you will create opportunities. You will create improvements and do things better. You will constantly challenge yourself. You will constantly push and strive to be better. It is from this place you will win. You will experience achievement, experience success. To win, you have to put yourself in the position to be able to win.
If you play to win, you might still not win. You will most likely lose. You will fail. But this is the path to winning. To win, you must lose along the way. You keep trying. To not let the fear of failure hold you back. To get to the end of your life knowing you tried, knowing you had courage. Knowing you lived daring greatly.
In theory, you then must get in the habit of taking a risk. The habit of being willing to lose so you can form the habit of winning. You must get used to failing again and again before you can succeed.
You must play to win.
Don’t play to not lose.
Live life daring greatly.
Footnotes
Here is a quote from Theodore Roosevelt about daring greatly:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
If you are interested, here are some brutal submissions from the 2017 IBJJF Pans
10 Brutal Submissions From 2017 IBJJF Pans
Comments
Post a Comment