Have you ever wanted to help someone? you offer advice but they don’t pay any attention. They don’t listen. You don’t have their ears.
You wonder why that is.
You want to help them. You know you can help them but they don’t seem to be interested. Maybe they don’t want any help.
In my martial arts training, I have a training partner like this.
We have sparred and come out relatively equal a lot of the time. I probably have more experience and knowledge but I lack the assertiveness. I am not a natural fighter.
He, on the other hand, may have less knowledge and experience but has more assertiveness. A greater desire to win.
I suggested to our coach that we change the way we spar to help my training partner. To help him implement what we are practising. The help him drill the techniques into his actual sparring (fighting).
He said no.
Pardon?
Then he said, the problem isn’t his sparring. The problem is, he isn’t listening to the advice you are giving him. You need to earn his respect first. You need to demonstrate to him that you are better than him in sparring. He needs to know you are higher up in the food chain. I need you to be more assertive. I need you to dominate him.
Then he might listen.
Credibility
What we are talking about is gaining credibility. Proving to the other person that what we are saying is credible. It is valid. It is worth listening to.
In rhetoric, the art of persuasion, there are three modes of persuasion. Pathos, Ethos and Logos. Ethos is about convincing the audience of the author’s (or speaker’s) credibility or character.
Most notable ways to gain credibility using Ethos are the following:
Being a notable figure in the field. I would suggest that normally means you hold a certain status. You have a rank, a title, a power that displays you have demonstrated you know what you are talking about. People are willing to follow you.
Demonstrating mastery of the subject. If you are a speaker, getting up and speaking well. If you are a writer, being able to write a fine article, blog or letter. If you are a martial artist, being able to fight and dominate most people in the room.
Being recommended by others who are deemed to be credible. This could be a personal recommendation from someone you already trust. This could be a recommendation from an organisation or authority. Mainly it will be the fact the individual holds a qualification from a governing body. They have credentials that show they have a sufficient level of competence in an area.
Logic
People can switch off from the feedback we give if it is not clear and straightforward. If they struggle to see the rhyme or reason. If there are no logical or sequential steps. Or if it doesn’t make sense to them.
In rhetoric, one mode of persuasion is logos. Logos appeals to logic, reasoning and providing concrete arguments.
When using logos in speaking and writing, people will use facts and figures. How many times have you watched TV adverts, TV programmes or the news quoting the statistics?
For example, in the UK, in 2017, 64% of adults are classified as overweight or obese. 29% of adults are classified as obese.
This statistic has been rising over the years. In 1993 this statistic was 53% of adults were overweight or obese. 15% of adults were classified as obese. If nothing changes in our environment then we can expect this percentage will continue to increase.
So what?
Statistics are showing that obesity is the cause of 13 different types of cancer, heart attacks, strokes and type 2 diabetes. And the cases of these entering the NHS is also increasing. Increasing the burden on the NHS.
You then notice a larger and larger problem is growing out of obesity. The health and life quality of individuals is decreasing. Life expectancy is decreasing. The cost to the NHS is increasing.
The can then through logic, build a case for a solid solution to this problem. The simpler, more direct and effective the solution, the better.
Logos appeals to the thinking mind. To logic and straight-forwardness. You will lose people if it is too complex or not direct.
Emotion
You can earn your credibility, people value what you say. You can provide logical steps of how and why someone should do something. But they still don’t do it. This is where the final mode of persuasion ‘Pathos’ comes in. Pathos is centred around emotion. Stirring up different emotions in the audience. Maybe stirring up emotion to take action. Perhaps by inspiring, motivating or even scaring the audience. Normally this would be done in the following ways:
A metaphor and/or storytelling. Stories are a timeless way to pass on knowledge and stir up emotion. There are countless videos on Facebook and YouTube telling us of inspiring, motivating or heart-breaking stories. Stories of challenges. Of failure. Of defeat. Of loss. Then of success. Of triumph. Of hope. Of possibility. Some can turn you to tears. Some can leave you thinking that anything is possible. Some inspire you so much you jump up willing to take action right now.
Displaying emotion in the delivery of the speaking or writing so that it may be felt by the audience. Most speakers are calm, collected and clear or they are loud, brash and over-exaggerate. Somewhere in the middle, there are some speakers or writers who can seem to pour out their emotions. You might notice it more in singers. Those who have been touched by deep, personal experiences. And provide an emotional basis for their songs.
Personal anecdotes. There are those who will share personal stories. Moments, experiences in their lives that provided lessons or turning points. Experiences or great generosity, of great pain, of great joy and of great sadness. Sharing personal experiences so that we may learn from them and maybe not make the same mistakes.
Takeaways
You will find that some people will not want to listen to your advice or your help. However good your intentions. But there are things we can do to earn their ears.
We can build credibility. If you are in the arena fighting, you probably want help from someone else who is also fighting in the arena. Not from someone sitting in the stands. You want to write better, get help from a great writer. You want to speak better, get help from a great speaker. You want to fight better, get help from a great fighter. Be the great writer, speaker or fighter that people are looking for, for help.
You need to be logical. If you are going to help people you need to be clear, concise and direct. If you are too complex or too vague you are going to lose them. However great you are.
Appeal to their emotions. Tell stories and use metaphors. Be open, honest and genuine in how you feel. Let it show. Be brave enough to tell personal stories. Share your pains, your struggles and your challenges. And also share your celebrations and your victories.
Footnotes
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