Courage
‘The ability to control fear and to be willing to deal with something that is dangerous, difficult or unpleasant’
Courage is doing something despite being afraid. To have courage, you need to feel fear. If you are not afraid, then there is no courage.
We see many people do great things, and we wish we could be like them. Do what they do. We believe they are courageous. But if what they do is no longer difficult, then they are no longer afraid. If they are no longer afraid, then they are no longer courageous. To stay courageous, we need to keep doing difficult things. Unpleasant things. Even dangerous things.
But what if we only have so much courage. A limited amount of it. How would we choose to use it?
Start with the end in mind
It may sound a bit morbid, but have you ever thought of your own death, your own funeral? Not the funeral that would happen now if you died today. The kind of funeral you would want to see for yourself in the future. After living a full, long and happy life of course. Maybe at the age of 102.
For me, I see a room over-filled with people who I have helped over the course of my lifetime. People who care about me, and I obviously cared about them. They share moving stories of how I helped them, how we helped each other. They tell humorous stories of daring and brave events, as well as silly and foolish mistakes. I have groups of friends who are public speakers, martial artists, writers, entrepreneurs. My family are front row. My three sons have discovered, and use their talents, gifts and strengths. They live great lives and speak about the positive influence I was in their lives. How I helped them get where they wanted to go. How I helped them find their happiness.
I clearly see this scene. Then I think, are my actions today laying the path to create that person they speak of? Am I laying the foundations for my future self? If the answer is no, then I need to change my actions. If the answer is yes, then keep going. Keep doing what you are doing.
I initially went to Toastmasters (a public speaking group) for me. I needed to change, I needed to improve, I needed to overcome a fear. And I still do need these things. But more than that, I now see the beauty of helping others achieve these things. To change, improve and face fears. To be part of a community that gives selflessly.
I see how these actions are taking me towards that future-self. That person who is surrounded by people who remember how he helped them, and how they helped him. That person who was a speaker, a writer, a martial artist and an entrepreneur. The person who shared his journey with so many people and who had such a positive experience.
Find the courage to think of the funeral you would want. Think of the people who would be there and what they would say about you. What groups or communities would be there. The stories they would they share. More importantly, be clear who the person is they are talking about.
Start with the end in mind, think of your death, your funeral. It’s difficult and unpleasant, that’s why you need courage. Be clear what your future-self looks like. If you are clear what you want the end to look like, you can start walking the path to it now. How you get there is up to you. But it’s easier to make choices if you know where you are headed.
Follow your dreams
Have you ever thought what a good day would look like? Or even a perfect day? You haven’t won the lottery, you still need to work and earn money, but how would you work given the choice?
Would you work in a hospital helping and serve the sick and weak? Would you work in an office helping and serving business customers? Would you work outside as a farmer, Gardener or builder?
A good working day for me would involve freedom. Being able to work anywhere I wanted. In an art gallery or a library. In a café or a food hall. At home or in an office. Outside while walking or sitting at the beach.
I had an intuition that in the modern age, the internet would allow me to do this. With laptops as light as a feather. Tablets the size of a notepad. Mobiles that are just as powerful as any computer.
Internet connections are everywhere now, even on the London Underground. With the internet and a mobile phone, I can work where-ever, when-ever and how-ever I like. It’s much easier to set up a company or a website nowadays. A couple of clicks and you are literally in business. More and more functionality is becoming available. I know this is the path to living a life of freedom.
From my public speaking, I had now discovered my voice. I had skills, knowledge and ideas I wanted to share. I decided that a blog would be the best way to share them. I could share my ideas with the whole world, and see if anyone is listening.
I write while I walk to work. On my mobile phone. I can get an app to review the grammar, spelling and ease of reading. I can copy and paste into an app for my blog and upload there and then. It wasn’t that many years ago, that this wouldn’t have been possible.
When it came to sharing my idea, my plan, with others, I kept feeling silly. When I spoke it out loud, I felt stupid. I felt uncomfortable telling others. I tried figuring out why. Was I worried that people would think my ideas were stupid? Were there others who could do it so much better? A blog itself doesn’t make any money. Was I just not explaining it very well? Or was I full of fear?
I knew that this was the path I needed to follow. So on 2nd June 2019, I made my blog live. With 5 blog articles written for people to read. The plan was to write and publish one article a week for the next 12 months and see where it goes.
We can have a dream, a goal or a plan that we know is the right path to follow. But saying out loud is uncomfortable, talking about it is difficult. If I feel uncomfortable, I must have some fear around this dream. What do we do? We can tell ourselves it was a stupid idea and walk away. We can live in the land of could-have, should-have and would-have. Or we can find the courage to try. To experiment. To have a go even for only a short while.
Use your gifts
There is a movement of strengths-based approaches going on around the world. You can have a strengths-based life, strengths-based leadership, or strengths-based working. A strengths-based practice in social work, strengths-based therapy in psychology, or a strengths-based approach in mental health. You can have strengths-based parenting, strengths-based education or strengths-based coaching.
It is everywhere. If you look hard enough.
If we were to look at ourselves and our individual strengths, our personal strengths. Then we could define our personal strengths as the following.
‘Someone’s strengths are the qualities and abilities which are an advantage to them, or which makes them successful’
When I think of a quality or ability which are an advantage, I think of gifts and talents. A definition of talent is:
‘The natural ability to do something well’
Let’s say you figure out what your strengths are. They are natural and unique to you. They also allow you to do something well.
I feel like I should have a personal example here. A personal story of me using my strengths. But I am still figuring it out. I can clearly see the strengths in others. But seeing my own strengths is hard. It’s difficult.
I have done the tests. The strengths tests that help you identify what your strengths are. Personality tests that tell you your traits. Virtues tests that tell you your character strengths. I have read the summaries that tell you what you should be doing to use them. But I still struggle. Struggle to see what I do really well. Maybe that’s the point. Because these strengths are natural to us they are easy to use, but difficult to see for ourselves. We need the help of others.
You have to find the courage to try. To use your strengths when you can’t see them for yourself. It is uncomfortable, it’s difficult. But if we want to succeed in life, we are more likely to achieve that by using our strengths than anything else.
Takeaway
Let’s assume we have a finite amount of courage. And to have courage there must also be the presence of fear. Fear and courage appear when we are in uncomfortable, difficult or dangerous situations.
With our limited amount of courage, how should we use it?
Use your courage to think of your death. Your funeral. What would you want people to say about you? What would your future-self look like? If you know what you want your life to look like at the end, then it becomes easier to take steps to get there. Use your courage to take steps to become who you want to be.
Use your courage to think of your dream work day. What would you do? Where would you do it? Who would you do it with? Chase your dream. It will sound a silly and stupid dream when you say it out loud. But use your courage to chase it all the same.
Use your courage to find your gifts. Your strengths. Your talents. Once you have found them, try to see them in your daily life. Find the courage to use your strengths on a daily basis, even if you can’t see them yourself.
It is easy to quit. It is easy to give up. It is easy to say it is too hard. It is easy to not even try. You have courage. Use it to be the person you want to be, to follow your dreams and to use your gifts.
I would like to leave you with this quote
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
Theodore Roosevelt
Footnotes
The inspiration for this article came from a speech by TD Jakes.
You can watch the 3 minute YouTube video here
Comments
Post a Comment