Does feeling stuck ever go away?

I started this personal development journey a long time ago. I looked at my life and realised I wasn’t happy. But I had everything on the outside that a happy man should have. A beautiful wife, two young children, a relatively well-paid job, family and friends. But it was inside where I was unhappy. I was looking at the world from a negative place. I would whine and moan about life. About being sleep deprived, from the two young children. Not having enough time to spend some quality time with my wife. Not being as fit as I used to be. Looking down at the dad bod I now had. Not having time to see family and friends. Not having the energy to do anything. Not having the motivation to do anything about the above. 

So I looked in the mirror and realised I needed to change. To change on the inside. I was angry and frustrated with life. I was around 30 years old. Surely I should have life sorted about by now. I should know what I am doing. I should be happy. 

I did what only I knew I could do, learn. I read books, articles and blogs. I listened to podcasts. I absorbed as much information as I could. I needed to see what other people did to be happier. To get unstuck.  

Nothing changes but everything changes 

I would read all these articles, books and blogs. I would listen to all these podcasts. I would take different tests to understand myself better. Personality tests, strengths tests, virtues tests. I would read through the results and reflect on them. I would think about whether this personality type was me or not. I would try to think of memories. Experiences. Times when I may have displayed the personality traits. In the Myers Briggs personality type I am an INTJ. An INTJ is an introvert. Am I an introvert? Do I find large groups of people and social events draining? I suppose so, yes. Do I find being by myself energising? Actually, yes. A good day would be going for a walk alone in nature. Being left alone with my own thoughts. Maybe it’s because I am currently stuck in an office most of the day. I would go backwards and forwards. Agreeing then disagreeing. Proving then disproving. Finding evidence to support, then evidence to deny these claims. So what am I? 

What I needed, wasn’t to figure out my personality type. Not at first. What I needed was to look at the world in a different way. From a different viewpoint. With a different set of eyes. To see that the world is made with people who are at different ends of the spectrum. Introverts and extroverts. Sensors and intuitives. Thinkers and feelers. Perceivers and judgers. Or something in-between. To see that we are all different, all unique. But also, with some, we share the same qualities.  

To realise that wanting to spend time by myself wasn’t a sin. It was just the way I was made. I was accepting who I am. I saw myself differently. I started to see others differently. I could see it was fine for others to be different. For others to want and do different things. It was the way they were made. 

From the outside nothing had changed. I still had the same job. The same children. The same wife. The same dad bod. However, on the inside, everything had changed. I saw the world with different eyes. I could embrace the differences between people. The differences between myself and others. Where before I would moan and whine, I now could see the joy in the smaller things in life.  

How easy it is to shout at your child for knocking their drink over. It’s much harder to take a breath, says it’s ok and laugh while cleaning it up. We could choose to view the world that way, if we wanted. 

If we can view a situation from a different perspective. Through different glasses. We might just see things for the better and not for the worse. 

How we view the world can have a profound effect on whether we feel stuck or free. When we can see the world differently, everything can change. 

Not moving quick enough 

Once I started to see things differently, I started to take different action. I started to try things new things. I found things I didn’t enjoy so I discarded them. I found things I enjoyed so I pursued them. I started to set goals I wanted to achieve.  

With goal setting, you have long-term, medium-term and short-term goals. These goals are markers along your journey. These goals draw the path you believe you will follow to get where you want to go. 

Stuff happens in life. We have to change goals, tweak them. We pivot direction, to get back on track. 

I am a member of Toastmasters, a public speaking organisation. When I started, I knew I wanted to achieve the first educational goal of Competent Communicator (CC). This goal is made up of 10 speeches each with a specific objective. Progress was very slow at first. I was scared. I had to build my confidence up. I would take on other roles to help make the meeting run. They all had varying amounts of stage time but they pushed my comfort zone. But they weren’t the prepared speeches. They weren’t on the list of 10 I needed to do. I was making progress, but slow progress. I felt like the tortoise in the ‘tortoise and the hare’ story. It took me about 2 and a half years to get the award. It was consistent and disciplined effort. 

Walking the path feels very different from reaching the end of the path. I knew where I wanted to go but progress could be so slow that I would feel stuck. I would feel I wasn’t getting anywhere. I was not moving quick enough. It was a frustrating journey, but I got there in the end. 

Achieving goals, especially long-term goals, takes time. We can get frustrated and beat ourselves up for not moving quick enough. We are used to getting things instantly in this modern age. We aren’t used to waiting. If things don’t move quick enough we can still feel stuck. 

Always looking forward never looking back 

We do all this goal setting to get us where we want to go. We have a destination in mind. These goals mark the path to getting there. We know to get where we want to go, we need to keep chasing, chasing these goals. That’s how we get to live our dreams. 

I am always dreaming. Dreaming of what could be. What life I could have. I can get lost in thought for ages. Dreaming of where I could be and what I could be doing. Dreaming of that house on the beach. Spending the early morning walking along the surf. Having the first coffee in the edge of the sands, on the veranda. Grabbing my rucksack and walking through lush green fields. Running my hand across the top of the tall grass. 

I am always looking forward. I am always looking at what is next. The next goal. The next task. Sometimes I feel stuck because I never seem to be getting to where I want to go. There is always one more hill to climb. One more corner to go round. One more river to cross. 

I am bad at celebrating my successes. If anyone compliments me, I shrug it off. I struggle to take praise. I don’t know what it is about being told I have done something well that I struggle with. Maybe it is the constant desire to improve. I always think I could have done things better. So what happens. I never celebrate what I have done. I never look back at how far I have come. How much progress I have already made.  

We spend so much time looking forward. Chasing the next goal. Pushing to get to the destination. Sometimes we feel like we are never going to get there. We feel stuck in the perpetual chase of the dream. Like a goal setting treadmill. Always just one more goal. This time next year I’ll be happier, fitter and healthier. If we could just stop and look back. If we could see how far we have already come. Maybe we wouldn’t feel so stuck. 

Takeaways 

Does feeling stuck ever go away? 

From the outside, you can look at yourself and say nothing has changed. You have the same job, the same family, the same friends. You can feel stuck in this life. If you look at life the same way you always have, you will still feel stuck. Open your eyes. Stand on your head. Put on rose-tinted glasses. Look at things from a different point of view. These things can look very different. 

You can be making progress, you can be moving forward. You can see where you want to go to but progress can feel slow. You can feel stuck if progress isn’t quick enough. Be kind to yourself. Great things take time. Be the tortoise, not the hare. 

You can set all these goals. Markers to get where we want to go. But we can feel stuck because we never seem to be getting there. There is always one more goal to do. Look back at how far you have come, and celebrate your successes. 

Feeling stuck doesn’t go away, but if we become aware of it and notice why we feel stuck, we can do something about it. 

Footnotes 

I mention the Myers Briggs Personality Test. Feel free to learn a little more here:

 https://personalityhacker.com/about/

Maybe you could even take the personality test.