How much change can we tolerate?

We can define the word ‘change’ in the following ways:

‘Make or become different’

‘An act or process through which something becomes different’

You could also say change is where something no longer remains the same.

Safety and Security

Where something remains the same it provides safety and security. The same steady job, with the same steady employer, makes us feel safe and secure. Secure that at the end of the month we will receive the same steady wage. Which in turn will make us feel secure that we will have the money to pay for our mortgage, bills, and childcare. We all feel much calmer and safer with some level of certainty in our lives.

If too much in our lives remains the same, we do not grow. We stop moving forward, we stop improving, we stop getting better. We can become stale, we can start to feel depressed, we can start to feel stuck. Being stuck is awful, there is nothing we can do about it, or that’s how it feels anyway.

Uncertainty and Change

If things start to change, they bring uncertainty. Where we once had a steady job, with a steady employer and earning a steady wage, the job might change. We fear that we are no longer are capable of doing our job. We fear that our employer may have new and greater expectations of us. In a difficult economy, we fear we will not receive our nice steady wage.

Uncertainty and change can also be exciting, it can bring new and refreshing things to our lives. We can book a holiday to a destination we have never been to before. New people, new places, new foods, and the new activities we will get to experience can be very exciting. We can read books, guides, reviews and talk to friends about where we are going to visit. We can plan the places we are going to visit, the restaurants we are going to dine at and the activities we are going to do.

Where we have uncertainty because of change, we can feel fear, we can feel excitement or a mixture of both. Several factors will affect the size of the uncertainty. The size of the change, the quickness of the change, and the amount of control we have over the change. We felt different emotions around a change in the two examples above. We felt fear where we have very little control over the change. We had little influence over what was happening to our employer. We feel excited about our new holiday because we can have some element of control. We can choose our flights and accommodation. We can choose the restaurants we go to, the places we visit and the activities we do. We can read reviews, absorb other people’s feedback. We can then plan our holiday.

Tolerances

What if different people have different tolerances for certainty, uncertainty, and change?

Some people love certainty, love routine, they love going to the same places. Revisiting the same places on holiday, visiting the same restaurants. Anything new, they can deal with as long as they are able to research and plan. If they have no idea what is coming they fill with stress, anxiety, dread, and fear.

At the other end of the spectrum, some people hate mind-numbing repetition. They hate going on holiday to the same places every year, it depresses and frustrates them. They love trying new restaurants. They love turning up at the airport and boarding the next available flight. Not knowing where they are going, not knowing where they are sleeping. Not knowing when or where they are next going to eat. Flying by the seat of their pants and figuring it out when they get there. They may have a very reactive type of job. They may hate paperwork. Hate having to do any administration. Hate having to plan or organise.

If we accept that we all need some level of change in our lives to keep moving forward. To keep progressing and to fulfill our potential. Then we need to accept that we will experience some level of certainty and some level of uncertainty. There will be some elements we can control and other elements that are out of our control.

Sweet Spot

What we need to discover in ourselves is our sweet spot for change which is our sweet spot for growth. We need to discover the amount of change that we can tolerate. Each of us is different and unique and can tolerate different amounts and types of change. It can become easy to stay very much in our comfort zone. In our comfort zone, there is no change and there is no growth. If we step too far outside our comfort zone then we can feel unbearable amounts of stress and fear. We may manage to get through the experience. Feel a great sense of achievement but we will no doubt think twice about doing it again. We can cope with that amount of change now and again but it is not sustainable over a longer period.

We need to discover how much certainty we can tolerate, and how much uncertainty. We need to discover how much control we like to have and how much we are willing to give to others. We need to discover how much time we need to process and accept the change.

We need to discover the amount of change that gets our heart racing that little bit faster. The amount of change that pushes our comfort zone without panicking or freaking out. This is the place from which we grow, this is the place from which we get better. This is the place from which we can fulfill our potential.

The question you need to ask yourself is how much change can you tolerate? How much certainty and uncertainty can you tolerate? How much control do you need and how can you tolerate giving to others? How much fear can you withstand and how much excitement can you contain? What thing can I do today that will be different enough to push my comfort zone and help me grow?